Assorted 5things5Times for Stargate Sg1
by Ninjana
Summary: My 5things fics: The 5 Reasons Teal'c is Afriad of Clowns, the 5 times Vala was Possessed by June Cleaver, The 5 Ba'als who Joined the Circus or Became Clowns, and the angsty:The 5 things that happened to Jonas Quinn after the Ori came to his Planet.


**My 5 things fic (Stargate SG-1)**

The 5 reasons Teal'c is Afraid of Clowns, - humour, any season

The 5 Times Vala Mal Doran was Possessed by June Cleaver,- humour, spoilers for Momento Mori, set, after Momento Mori

The 5 Ba'als who bacame clowns, or joined a circus, - humour, set anytime after season 8/9ish

The 5 things that happened to Jonas Quinn after the Ori came to his planet - angst?maybe?, set after season 9ish?

**The 5 Reasons Teal'c is Afraid of Clowns**

- After first coming to Earth and attempting to acclimate himself to Earth culture, Major Carter lent him her copy of Stephen Kings IT.

- After Mitchels first team movie night included a screening of Super Size Me.

- After Jack forced him to watch hours of the Simpson, including the episode with Bart's clown bed. Teal'c too, fears that if he sleeps, the clown will eat him.

-After Daniel Jackson tells Teal'c that clowns remind him of Gluk'achu, the ancient Jaffa spirit who causes male impotency.

-Teal'c trusts no man with feet that big.

**The 5 Times Vala was Possessed by June Cleaver (some spoilers for Momento Mori)**

-It involved nostagia weekend at Daniel's, a really old TV set, and a lightning strike.

-During the events of Momento Mori, while Athena tried to pry her inner most secrets from her mind with the memory device, Vala concentrated on the most inane, most insignificant thing she could think of on the spot - Leave It To Beaver. When the machine blew, thoughts of Leave It to Beaver were all that was left.

- During the events of Momento Mori, Saul, the diner owner, agreed to let her stay on one condition. Val had to help him create his life long dream of being Ward Cleaver. It mostly involved wearing heels and pearls at the same time, and sleeping in seperate beds. Val didn't remember much of her life before, but she was pretty sure this wasn't the worst thing she'd ever been through.

- While rifling through some of Daniels artifacts, Vala comes across a case with a neaklace inside. She doesn't bother looking at the alien warning, that she couldn't read anyway. If she had been able to read that it said (roughly tranlated as)"Beware those who would live in the past, especially pasts that never really existed" maybe she would have hestiated puting it on, then again maybe not.

- Ouija Boards really are bad juju.

**The 5 Ba'al's (or clones) who joined the circus or became clowns**

1-3. Ba'al didn't know you shouldn't clone clones. By the time he realized that each generation of clone was a little more skewed then the last, a bunch of them had escaped. He recaptured most but 3 were unaccounted for. Years later he saw them on a televised program featuring Cirque de Soliel gymnasts. That day, Ba'al cursed his host body's gumby like flexiblity.

4. In a plea bargain with Stargate Command, after his forces had been defeated, he agreed to (among other things) 100 hours of community service at childrens parties. Ba'al hoped that if he was wearing make up maybe no one would recognize him. That hope was destroyed when Gen. O'Neill showed up with a camera and a big smirk.

5. One of the clones had just had enough: no dental, long hours and a high mortality rate. Screw it, he thought, I'm getting a job at McDonalds. It was just his luck that all new employees had to wear the costume and greet kids, while on their first day working there.

**The 5 things that happened to Jonas Quinn after the Ori came to his planet**

1. He died, instantly.The Ori decided to make a clear statement about what resistance would get you, and fired on the capitol city from orbit. Jonas never saw the ships that had darkened his skies.

2. He died, screaming. As the ships descended Jonas had run for the gate, hopeing he could get through to Stargate Command in time to get help. Guards caught him mid address, and the recognized enough of it to know who he was calling. He was taken to a prior for interrogation. In the end he couldn't even remember his own name, but he never said a word that might betray the SGC. It was his final act of contrition to Dr. Jackson.

3. He died, as he lived. It was a nice enough eulogy the other resistance members thought. But Jonas Quinn was dead now, at peace. They still had to keep fighting.

4. He died, just days before they arrived. The stress of becoming the youngest Science Minister of Kelowna, a year with the SGC and another year trying to keep his people together was just too much. Jonas Quinn, dead of a heart attack at 33.

5. He died, in bed. After a lifetime of embracing Origin, as the Ori's first true convert, Jonas fully expected to achieve ascenion. Instead, there was only the darkness of one whose soul has been burned away by beings older than life on his planet.


End file.
